An open letter to-

Dear dog,

Please stop eating the siding every time you want back into the house. I would let you in the house if you didn't insist on eeating toys and shoes while you were in here.

Dear Teenage Neighbor,

Please stop blaring your car stereo so loud that aliens on Mars can hear it. I don't think there is any way you can even hear anything but the bass when you blast it so loud... plus, you are driving a Subaru Outback. That does not make you gangsta.

Dear rain,

You have been falling for nearly a month and a half now. If I wanted to live where it rained all the time, I would move to Seattle or Indonesia or something. I have mushrooms growing in my flower garden. We all know I never water the garden, so you can see my dilemma. The mud inside my house has become an issue. Enough is enough.

Dear children,

No, I will not let you eat marshmallows for breakfast, no matter how much you throw a fit. Not even if you have dragged out your tent and have built a "campfire" in the middle of the living room. Marshmallows turn you both into raving lunatics within 2 hours. (Yeah right, sugar doesn't cause hyper-activity!) I already have the dog to deal with... I don't need the two of you chewing on the walls also.